Well, here we are in the final days before the run. I can’t believe it’s this week I start.
To say that I’m nervous is an understatement, but not really because of the running. Well, partly because of the running… more like 50-50… let me start again.
I’m not only nervous about the running. Organising the entire thing has been / is being very difficult and it’s starting to take it’s toll. The last couple of days I’ve been having mini panic attacks when I think about something else I’ve forgotten or look at the still large to-do list. It’s been affecting my sleep and my moods. I’ve been more grumpy than usual.
I don’t mind doing the organisation, but getting the balance between being organised and being like people’s mum is hard. I think I’ve failed on various counts and in parts it feels like I’m organising a school trip. It seems nobody else knows where we’re staying, the route we’re taking or even what time we’re leaving on Wednesday.
A lot of the tasks can’t easily be split: the route dictates where we stay, accommodation availability affects the route. It’s not that I need help doing stuff, just that I feel I need to offload frequently so that the others know what I’m doing and so we feel a sense of shared responsibility. I guess that’s it. At present I feel the burden of responsibility. If the route’s wrong, it’s my fault. If the accommodation isn’t booked correctly, it’s my fault. That burden is weighing down heavily at present and I’m not sure what I can do about it.
Meetings of the group have been really hard to arrange. People are very busy. We’ve been limited to an hour, that practically becomes 40 minutes, every few weeks. I’ve struggled with that. Those who know me, will know that, although I’m quite a verbal thinker. Or perhaps you’re more likely to call me gobby! Whatever you call it, I need to talk frequently. But even in this last week, I’ve not been able to get people together for a final briefing. I’m not sure how they’ll find out what time and where we’re leaving from, but at least I’ll be there!
I’m trying very hard to remain calm at the moment but it’s not really working. There’s still so much to do and so little time. If any of you have relaxation tips, I’d love to hear them!